The Club Theatre,
LaMaMa etc.
June 2006.

Written by Michael Gorman
Directed by Michael Gorman

Synopsis. Two carpenters—T and G, of "T & G All-Star Construction"—stumble upon the occult publishing world of "how-to" books as they read a book called "Stonework" (Reflections on Serious Play and Other Aspects of Country Life) to pass the time on a ferry boat ride from a remote island to the mainland. Their brutally satirical examination of the book leads to an exposure of its ridiculous "pseudo-existential" premise.

As the ferry churns closer to the mainland, a strange and disturbing alliance of "How-To" guru's, including Bob Villa and Ty Pennington, manifests itself to perform a series of rituals to prevent T and G from reaching the mainland and spreading their discovery of the cult to the greater world.

Things come to a desperate climax as the cult leaders resort to Down-East voodoo to turn T and G's car into a coffin, trapping the now "possessed" carpenters inside. T and G gasp for air and claw at the windows as the ferry slips into its berth. Will the carpenters manage to escape or has their fate been sealed to be the first two people killed in a car by a book?